Secondary infertility resources can be hard to come by. I have listed many articles, books, websites, and podcast episodes.
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What must it be like to be faced with the possibility of not being able to pass your genetics on to your child? For some, it might come as a relief. Perhaps they have always been concerned about their history of anxiety, or depression, and the thought of possibly not passing these on is desirable. Perhaps they were always bothered by their height, and the idea of choosing a taller donor is appealing.
It has been 6 years since we were informed our unborn baby did not have a heartbeat. Each time the anniversary rolls around, I try to busy myself with something fun and light hearted. We often take a long weekend road trip, or plan an activity away from home.
This is not to forget what happened. It is to be grateful for the life that I have now, and not dwell on the past and what could have been.
If the term infertility amnesia existed, it would be defined as having no memory of an infertility journey. I I do not believe that people are capable of actually forgetting about what they experienced. Infertility creates chaos, devastation, anger, disappointment, trauma, grief, loss, and so much more, and it is just not possible for the brain to forget it.
Fellow blogger and infertility advocate Kaeleigh MacDonald released Extra! on January 22, 2018. Extra is a children’s book that tells the story of a family that needed a little extra help to create their son. It’s a story that reveals how families are created in a myriad of ways.
Secondary infertility has been called the “step-child” of the overarching branch of infertility and loss. Although step-children are a real part of the family, they sometimes feel they cannot properly speak up and be heard.
This film eloquently displayed the raw and difficult emotions that people who are going through infertility experience. I am always grateful for those who are willing to put themselves in a vulnerable position so that others will not feel alone.
So what can we do for those who have lost so much? How can we support them? Perhaps we can reach out with an old fashioned card, or even a phone call. We can say “I was thinking of you this week and wanted to check in. I’m here for you.”
Sometimes this can make a world of difference to people who thought they and their earth-shattering loss were forgotten.
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I sometimes second guess myself about my degree of honesty with a younger child. Will I scare him? Will he believe that he will die like the baby did? Will he tell his friends and teachers?
Then I realize there’s a reason we advise people to be honest. Children are resilient. They can comprehend and embrace what we tell them more effortlessly than we give them credit for.