In the infertility, childless not by choice, and pregnancy/infant/child loss world, there is a mixture of those who have chosen to publicly speak about their experience and those who have remained anonymous.
What causes someone to speak out and another to withhold? Why do some use their names in real life and others choose to remain anonymous?
There are many reasons people withhold and remain anonymous.
It has been five years, yet I can remember it so vividly. I can recall the raw emotions that pierced through every part of my being. Although life has moved on, I still long for what was not meant to be. And it still hurts.
I understood the havoc that infertility wreaks on millions of men, women, and couples, and I was not done after completing my family. I simply couldn’t walk away from the ability to support and empathize with those who continue to experience it.
That fateful spring day in April 2012 turned my world upside down. We had just entered the second trimester of pregnancy, and were looking forward to seeing our baby and hearing his or her heartbeat for the second time.
The words came crashing down like a ton of bricks. We hadn’t experienced a loss, and to say that we were unprepared would be an understatement.
The moment I stepped into the Share meeting and was embraced with a massive bear hug from the leader, I was understood. Although I had not yet introduced myself to anyone in the room, I knew for certain that they got me. They too had experienced loss. It didn’t matter how that looked; loss of embryos, early loss, second and third trimester loss, after birth loss. Loss was loss was loss.
In grad school, I was taught to be careful about self-disclosure with therapy clients. Not only had I self-disclosed about a challenging time in my life, but I had gone into major detail about it.
Was this the best course of action in reaction to my situation? Could it potentially hurt my career?
I tried almost everything to get pregnant. Eastern. Western. You name it. Acupuncture was one of my go to methods, despite our unsuccessful first IVF frozen embryo transfer during which I had treatments before and after.
What I didn’t try at that time was Chinese herbs.
Not knowing what will happen in the future can be torturous. The unknown can throw you into a downward spiral if you let it.
It’s the mind that does it to us.
Our continuous thoughts of what the outcome will be.
Dr. Rodger’s defined secondary infertility as “Anybody who has had a pregnancy before, even if that pregnancy was a miscarriage or you needed fertility treatment…If you’ve been pregnant before and you’re trying to get pregnant again…Anybody who has had any kind of pregnancy.”
We walked one mile in support of those who are experiencing, have experienced, or will experience infertility – a series of small steps, each one filled with hope and a reminder that no one with infertility should walk alone. One Morning, One Mile, One Community.