I recently made a comment on an infertility blog post. Something to the effect of “Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my experience. The pain has lessened, but it hasn’t disappeared.”
One might say that I’m living in victimhood. That I can’t let go. That I can’t accept and move on. That I can’t just be grateful that my family is complete.
I don’t think that’s entirely true.
I think there are reminders.
Let me try to explain.
As we waited patiently to find out who the Denver Broncos would pick during last night’s draft, I had no clue that a friend of a friend was observing our family.
When I was out of ear reach, he commented to my husband “It must be nice to have a family,” or something to that effect. My husband responded with “Well, it wasn’t easy to create. It was a lot of work.” The friend disclosed that he and his wife had been trying to have a baby for years, and they recently experienced a third failed IVF cycle.
Ugggh. I empathize so VERY much with this couple who has tried to create their family, without success. Although I don’t know their pain intimately, I can relate to it. I hear about people having trouble conceiving all the time.
All of the time.
Then this morning my dad joyously confirmed that my male cousin who had no issues conceiving with his wife, is expecting a boy in September.
I am delighted for him. However, there’s always a piece of me that struggles when people are easily able to conceive, despite having completed my family.
And slightly later, I read Justine Froelker’s post about not having children, which left me tearful and heartbroken.
I admire the strength and courage it takes for Justine to continuously advocate for the infertility community, when she herself was unable to have children. I grieve right along with her. For although I cannot fully understand what it’s like to be in her shoes, I can most definitely appreciate it.
And eventually an extended family member who has experienced recurrent pregnancy loss gave birth to her second child today.
I am overjoyed for someone who birthed her long awaited rainbow baby, but I understand the journey she took to get there. And painful is an understatement.
All of this in less than 24 hours.
So, yes. Every day there are reminders.
There probably always will be.