It has been five years, yet I can remember it so vividly. I can recall the raw emotions that pierced through every part of my being. Although life has moved on, I still long for what was not meant to be. And it still hurts.
That fateful spring day in April 2012 turned my world upside down. We had just entered the second trimester of pregnancy, and were looking forward to seeing our baby and hearing his or her heartbeat for the second time.
The words came crashing down like a ton of bricks. We hadn’t experienced a loss, and to say that we were unprepared would be an understatement.
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In grad school, I was taught to be careful about self-disclosure with therapy clients. Not only had I self-disclosed about a challenging time in my life, but I had gone into major detail about it.
Was this the best course of action in reaction to my situation? Could it potentially hurt my career?
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Not knowing what will happen in the future can be torturous. The unknown can throw you into a downward spiral if you let it.
It’s the mind that does it to us.
Our continuous thoughts of what the outcome will be.
When I was trying to create my family, grateful was the last thing I felt. Every day I seemed to experience things I considered graceless. Negative pregnancy tests. Period arrivals. Facebook pregnancy announcements. Estrogen levels that were too low. My moods were low. I cried a lot. My thoughts were mostly negative. I let these graceless moments take […]
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As I set my laptop on top of my thighs, I started to go there – “Be careful of the radiation! Maybe you should set it somewhere else!”
In the not so distant past, this was one of many thoughts regarding my chances at conception. What should I be doing? What should I NOT be doing?
I have to admit how grateful I am that most of those thoughts are not currently a part of my life. However, there are those stubborn “after infertility thoughts and challenges” that do remain with me.