Secondary infertility resources can be hard to come by. I have listed many articles, books, websites, and podcast episodes.
It has been 6 years since we were informed our unborn baby did not have a heartbeat. Each time the anniversary rolls around, I try to busy myself with something fun and light hearted. We often take a long weekend road trip, or plan an activity away from home.
This is not to forget what happened. It is to be grateful for the life that I have now, and not dwell on the past and what could have been.
If the term infertility amnesia existed, it would be defined as having no memory of an infertility journey. I I do not believe that people are capable of actually forgetting about what they experienced. Infertility creates chaos, devastation, anger, disappointment, trauma, grief, loss, and so much more, and it is just not possible for the brain to forget it.
So what can we do for those who have lost so much? How can we support them? Perhaps we can reach out with an old fashioned card, or even a phone call. We can say “I was thinking of you this week and wanted to check in. I’m here for you.”
Sometimes this can make a world of difference to people who thought they and their earth-shattering loss were forgotten.
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I sometimes second guess myself about my degree of honesty with a younger child. Will I scare him? Will he believe that he will die like the baby did? Will he tell his friends and teachers?
Then I realize there’s a reason we advise people to be honest. Children are resilient. They can comprehend and embrace what we tell them more effortlessly than we give them credit for.
IVFML was different than any others I had listened to. For starters, there were two hosts – a husband and a wife (typically podcasts are hosted by women only). The hosts, Simon Ganz and Anna Almendrala, have a great sense of humor, mixed with the ability to be raw and vulnerable. They touched on so many common emotional, physical, and financial aspects of infertility. They had guest speakers who were friends experiencing infertility, a medical doctor, and a therapist. I found myself hanging on every word, and looking forward to finishing the series to see how it ended.
In the infertility, childless not by choice, and pregnancy/infant/child loss world, there is a mixture of those who have chosen to publicly speak about their experience and those who have remained anonymous.
What causes someone to speak out and another to withhold? Why do some use their names in real life and others choose to remain anonymous?
There are many reasons people withhold and remain anonymous.
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It has been five years, yet I can remember it so vividly. I can recall the raw emotions that pierced through every part of my being. Although life has moved on, I still long for what was not meant to be. And it still hurts.
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I understood the havoc that infertility wreaks on millions of men, women, and couples, and I was not done after completing my family. I simply couldn’t walk away from the ability to support and empathize with those who continue to experience it.
That fateful spring day in April 2012 turned my world upside down. We had just entered the second trimester of pregnancy, and were looking forward to seeing our baby and hearing his or her heartbeat for the second time.
The words came crashing down like a ton of bricks. We hadn’t experienced a loss, and to say that we were unprepared would be an understatement.